I started a food journal recently because I wanted to recheck myself with where I need to improve. I am strategizing with a qualified nutritionist at On Pace Wellness to discuss my blood work, inbody scans (both from Regenics), family history, and food journal to see where are the areas I can improve, because I had fallen into a very dark place in my life in 2020. I am still digging myself out of that dark place.
Two years ago that dark place began taking a huge toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. In a span of less than a year starting at the end of 2019, I left a toxic work environment, I left a toxic narcissistic relationship, I was attacked by a dog sending me to the ER, and then the pandemic hit. I lost my business, I lost my income, I lost my purpose and worst of all, my Max and Bruno began to lose their health. I was dipping into my savings for months... My health dwindled. My sense of will dwindled. And then I had a serious bone injury. In January 2021, I had been diagnosed with a bucket handle meniscus tear leaving me in excruciating pain to walk and with no outlook of running. It might have been collectively the darkest year of my life that compounded into a level that left me not wanting to see another day. I fell into a downward spiral seeking food and other substances to fill the dark void I had inside me. The only thing I could think at that time: what is the point anymore. I look back at that year still in pain, fear, and bewilderment. It was a very scary to not see a point in waking up the next day. After losing Max and Bruno who had been my whole world right before the holidays, I did not want to feel this darkness anymore and began making some serious changes.
Mental health truly is what holds our spirit together. If there is someone hurting in your life, please do not give up on them. You might be the only reason they are alive. If you are the one hurting: please know you are not alone. You matter. There is hope as much as one might hates to hear those exact words when you are in that dark place. Now in 2022, my spirit is healing and wiser as I continue to work on leaving behind those demons. They are there and remind me everyday they want to re-enter into my life, but here is my pledge to myself: I am a work in progress and I am working on forward progress. Thank you for reading and being a part of my community from the bottom of my heart.